My Whateverals Are Outta Wack: Disorder

*Disclaimer: You know, I had a big ol' thang all written out to tell you that these are my opinions blah blah, my story blah blah, but it all comes down to this- try not to be offended. I'm not intentionally trying to hurt anyone, I'm just trying to help anyone else who may be empathetic and need some insight as well, if it does not apply to you, I'm sorry! This is me posting my story so that anyone else who may need hope, like I did and do, well they're gonna get some help finding it, NOT to have a pity party, cause I'm way over that s@#&. :) thanks for reading.*

I've got bipolar disorder....my life's not in order! (yeah, you were singin' it too, don't lie) Anywhoser, I have bipolar disorder and PTSD, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. All to be explained, but in the meantime I'd like to focus on the word Disorder. 

Now when you hear that word, does is make your brain do a little shudder and cringe, thriller style? I mean, it did for me. Disorder, mental disorder, mental illness; they're all words that make us cringe in a different way than seeing a dad get hit in the nuts on AFV. Because we can't physically SEE or TOUCH or HOLD that pain, or even find what caused it most of the time, it's hard to stick a cast on a memory, an event, your brain or your heart, or your entire life experience. And by hard to do, I mean physically impossible. Believe me, I woulda figured it out by now. So I'm gonna pull apart the word Disorder for a minute.

Disorder. Definition: 1. a state of confusion; 2. disrupt the systematic functioning or neat arrangement of. Basically all that's needed is a bit of rearranging, which can be helped with therapy, meds, screaming into pillows, hugging the nearest person, throwing paint at a canvas, ripping up phone books(gets a little anger out on everyone in there without them knowing...), and many other options that can all be mix and matched to your needs. Our minds and bodies are confused, and this is NOT OUR FAULT. Anybody can have their chemical, hormonal, whateveral go out of wack, for MANY different reasons. We're good, no worries. We have so many outlets of help and hope, people who seek to find order once more in the mind and body. But I know that it is also a fear of what people think of us that can keep us from getting the help we deserve, that's where we've got to treat ourselves the way our heart WISHES others treated us, the way we would treat a close friend or family member if they were struggling the way we are. We should be our closest friend, and that is one of the hardest things to do when our mind and body are in disorder, confused, and out of wack. 

It's easy to hate ourselves, have no patience or understanding when your looking at yourself, but I have some ideas on how to start. I know that THERE IS HOPE. Pleases don't give up, because I almost have in the past, and I'm here to tell you why, and how I'm muddling through now if you wanna hear it. X)

I'm saying let the world know my story, I don't care what they think anymore, but I do care if it helps. SING IT MARY:  Secrets by Mary Lambert.